march 7 2009

march 7th is my favorite day. its the day lucy was born. all day today ive been watching the clock and thinking about exactly where i was last year at exactly that time of the day. what i was thinking, what i was feeling...just remembering the whole experience.

i dont think i remember any event as clearly as i remember her birthday. which is weird. because i was on a lot of drugs :] but. i can tell you my thoughts at almost any given time of the day..probably because that was, hands down, the scariest and most exciting day of my entire life. and will remain that forever. not that i wont be excited when i have more children. but this was the first. and i was alone. well..alone as her parent. and i knew that i would always be alone as her only real, true parent.

saying that she changed my life is an understatement. she brought me into an entirely new one.

all that to say..i took this picture because...she was in a tutu this morning. dancing. and i couldnt help but look at her little feet and just be so thankful that she is such a happy, loving little girl. who just dances and sings to herself all day long. it makes me feel so much better about decisions i made for her before she was born. shes just...happy. and she makes everyone she comes into contact with happy, too. ..her name does mean bringer of light :]

i think shes set up for some pretty heartbreaking realizations later in life on top of the default disappointments that come with life in general. i pray she always has a tutu to dance with.